Depictions of a night..(or a pause in Colmar)

Sometimes taking a break is not what we want but what we basically need. Even if we do not realize it. There comes a moment in our life that everything turns into a routine, a common schedule we have to follow in order to be more productive, to be on time, to succeed, in order to fill each minute with a sense of usefulness and importance. And then, there comes a moment when we pause. Unwillingly. There is no inspiration, no creativity, no mood to get off the bed, no will to smile to our beloved ones, no dreams to chase. Exhausted people striving to make the living they had planned.

How can we forget what our inner child used to wish for? Well, i suppose that people tend to neglect anything childish. Living on a pace fed only by anxiety and stress does not really offer space for memories and happy times. Is it worthy? I could strongly support people seeking a career, i would justify people aiming to a promotion rather than creating a family and i could surely understand people who enjoy their jobs. But most of all i do admire people who make their careers based on the things they love. I read about such success stories and feel the need to track my own way doing what i most certainly like to spend my time on. But i also understand how difficult this is and even if those people love their jobs, they still have to work some sleepless nights in order to achieve that.

Anyhow, it is a personal pursue and this is always the challenge;never to set aside the things one has hoped for, cried for, struggled for. Between the months of endless work, among the days of stressful meetings or in between the hours of boring or uncertain meetings one should always search for a pause of happiness. If you have been spending hours in front of a computer or memorizing pages of academic books, if you have missed your friends or your partner, if you have forgotten when was the last time you played with your pet or if you just want to catch up with your favorite sit com then do so. I know, you have heard it before. I did so. But i came to a point in my life where i found myself far from my dreams. And it was not a pleasant discovery. Instead of a break though i preferred to shut down for a while. Then eventually, since i was always multitasking and with a bit of life-exploring curiosity, i filled my program so much that i could barely have a coffee with those who matter. That was a solution. The things i' ve learnt during this period are a treasure i will always keep inside me. It was a much needed period in order to find new interests, to re-find my rhythms, to throw away the social vampires i came across, to talk and mostly to listen.

As i was listening, i realized that i had found things that could make me happy but there were also things i had to do before embracing those. You know, there are nights when you feel helpless, when you try to find solutions but instead you end up watching another episode on replay. There are these nights when you stare the ceiling and you think of all the moonlight you never saw, when you recall moments of your life and you change some with the ones you really wanted to live, when you are too tired of sleeping because waking up is taking you away from your dreams.

It is like always living in your hometown and reading travel guides that remind you places you have never been. But if you finally find a ticket for your dream destination? You would go, that's the plan. But before that you have to stop somewhere else. You have to let everything linger, your old habits, the people that you leave behind, the memories..There is the need to let it all behind, to make room for the new ones to come.

That's a pause. A period during which you will not erase a single thing but you will just turn some blank pages. And then you will be ready for the next chapter. The in between time that will take away all your worries. It might be more than a year or just a single night where your ideal life comes into bits and pieces and forms depictions of your blissful time.    

Life is made out of sparkles, let's twinkle.

A.